“What makes these clouds?” – 4/16/06
“Is that all the mountains?” - 5/27/06
“What channel is ‘American Idol’ on around here? – 5/23/06
Visitor purchasing a Golden Age Passport… “There are some advantages to getting old, this and AARP… but the theres having to pee a lot.” -5/28/06
“Are these the Grand Tetons?” -5/29/06
“Do we have to get another pass for Colter Bay? Is Colter Bay another national park?” Do we have to leave this park to get to Colter Bay? Is this pass good for Colter Bay” 5/30/06
“How does the Jenny Lake thing work?” -6/2/06
“What time does Old Glory go off?” -6/3/06
‘”Sir do you have an ID?” Visitor: “Sure, I also have a birthmark but I have to take my pants off.” -6/9/06
“Can you ride the elk?” -6/12/06
Exiting visitor “I just need a map. We’re coming back tomorrow. But keep everything open, half the glaciers in that other park were turned off.” -6/13/06
“Am I going the right way?” “Where are you trying to go?” “I don’t know.” -6/20/06
“Is this the scenic route to Yosemite?” -7/06/06
“You don’t have a TV in your booth???!!!” 7/11/06
“You have a dog just like mine in there… oh!.. that’s the reflection of mine” -7/15/06
“What’s the best way to go to not hit animals?” -7/28/06
“How ya get on top of that hill yonder?” 7/29/06
“How close can I fly my plane towards the mountains?” -8/4/06
French Couple: “We have nothing to declare.” “We aren’t customs.” “Oh, so this isn’t a border?” -8-7-06
“Do the Moose come out after it rains?” -8-15-06
“Is that real snow up there?” -8/23/06
“Is there a big statue of Paul Bunyan around here?” -8/27/06
“Where is Old Yeller, that volcano thing?” -8/27/06
“Is Jenny Lake the best place to go whitewater rafting?” -9/10/06
“Are we allowed to get out of the car or do we just have to drive through the park?” -9/24/06
“My pass has an ugly desert picture on it, can I have one with a better/prettier picture? -10/07/06
VUA: “Folks, just to let you know, the road is closed 2.5 miles ahead.” “2.5 miles how far is that?” “Well, 2.5 miles?” -10/14/06
VUA: “Do you have a pass?” “Yes, we already went through Moose Hollow.” -10/22/06
“We hope to see a moose. We saw one last night, its butt was sticking out into the road. That was a big butt attached o something.” -11/14/06
“I’m looking for the “Temple of the Trans.” -5/09/07
“Is that the mountain range?” -5/12/07
“What is Jenny Lake?” “It’s a lake.” -06/08/07
“This is Yellowstone obviously.” -06/14/07
“Where is the park at?” -6/15/07
“Whats the newspaper do?” “Umm it’s a newspaper.” “Ohh ok.” -7/3/07
“Where are we?” “Grand Teton National Park.” “Well whats the entrance pass get us into?” “Grand Teton and Yellowstone.” “So where are we?” -7/3/07
“Wheres the best place to see wild chipmunks?” -7/14/07
“Where can we go to hike?” “Jenny Lake is always a good place.” “Is that also where Old Faithful is?” -7/14/07
“Is this a good place to see Jackalopes?” -7/17/07
“We saw a baby thing down the road, we weren’t sure if it was an elk or a moose.” “Did you see the mom?” “Yes.” “… What did it look like?” “It looked like an elk.” “… then it was probably an elk.” -7/16/07
“So we just take this road straight ahead to…. That place.. wherever it is that we’re going?” “Umm… Sure…?” “Oh Okay. Bye!” (Drives off) -7/25/07
“So is there just one peak in the Tetons?” -7/29/07
“So I read somewhere that 4 miles up theres some scenery.” -8/14/07
Elderly Woman: “Hold on, I have a Golden Age pass but I have to dig for it.” “Oh that’s ok, I remember you from this morning.” “Oh! Have I already been on this road?” 8/7/07
“Are they gonna go turn off the fire up there on the mountain?” -8/13/07
“How bout I give you a bite of my apple fritter and we’ll call it even?” -8/20/07
“Is this the way to Lupus Meadows?” -8/20/07
“We’re headed for Oxbox Junction.” -8/25/07
Woman in car full of Golden Agers: “We’re going to go see some elk. Wanna go with us?” “I can’t. I have to work.” “Well, do you want a Pepsi?” “No, thanks.” “How about chocolate?” “Nah.” “Well, you’re kinda cute; just thought I’d ask. If I had my daughter with me, I’d have her talk to you. Are you married?” “No.” “Thank goodness!” -9/5/07
“I’d like a map and uhh do you have any hotdogs?” -9/4/07
“Does that annual pass cover a BMW?” -9/11/07
“Is this place a visitor center in the daytime?” -9/11/07
“Which side of the road are the elk on?” -9/28/07
“Do you have any vitamins in there?” “Uh… no.” “How about Depends.” -9-26-07
“Wheres the road that goes to the Lagoon?” -9/29/07
“You by any chance wouldn’t know which one is the Grand Teton, would you?” 5-7-08
”I ain’t been this good since the hogs ate my sister!” 6-17-08
“Will this road take us to the Grand Canyon?”6-19-08
“Is Yellowstone inside of Grand Teton?” -6/29/08
“Could I get a map of Bryce Canyon?” -6-27-08
“Is that snow on the mountains?” 7-6-08
“So is this good for Mt. Rushmore too?” 7-6-08
“That bike path is meal on wheels for bears!” 7-12-08
“I have my friends ashes who had an Access Pass. Can I still use her pass since I have her ashes?” “I’m sorry but no. The person has to be alive.” 7-30-08
“Is there anywhere I can pet the bears?” 7-31-08
“Can I get another map? I bled all over 1st map.” 8-13-08
“Do you have a gun cause you guys are robbing me.” 8-15-08
“Do they keep live moose at the Moose Visitor Center?” -9-3-08
“Is this the way to Jenny Craig?” “Yup.” -9-20-08
“Where do I go to see Japanese tourists?” “Yellowstone.” -9-27-08
“We were already in Yosemite!” 4-27-09
“Do people actually climb those mountains?” 7-19-09
“I’m looking for the Colter Bay Visitor Center. I think I missed the turn.” “Where are you coming from?” “Colter Bay Campground.” 8-21-09
“What time do you turn the waterfalls off?” 9-1-09
“I want a phone number of someone I can complain to about the smoke.” 9-24-09
“Can I get one satellite pass for my wife and another for my girlfriend?” 5-28-10
“Can I see Hidden Falls from the road?” “Umm. No.” “My camera has a really good zoom.. Or did you mean because its night?” 6-17-10
“Will there be a sunset tonight?” 7-22-10
“Do you have bear food?” 7-29-10
“Where is Old Faithful?” “Its in Yellowstone.” “But it’s not on the map.” *holds up a Grand Teton map* 8-4-10
“Does the senior pass get discounts at Hooter’s?” 8-22-10
“Its snowing and I didn’t bring sweaters for my dogs!” 8-29-10
“Do moose frequent the lake on top of Signal Mountain?” 9-2-10
“How far to the nearest attraction?” “Umm what attraction?” “The nearest one, where we can find something to do. Like the Mt. Moran turnout.” 9-2-10
“We’re looking for Moose Lodge Rd. over by the lakes.” 9-2-10
“You can see my pass when you take your head out of your ass.” 9-9-10
“We assume that’s a climbers fire.” *points to top of Grand* “No. That’s a cloud.” 9-21-10
“Is this the same map as Yosemite’s.” 6-3-11
“Why aren’t you putting the fire out! I am writing Obama!” 8-24-11
“The ranger at the Moran entrance was MUCH better looking than you!” 9-20-11
“Tell me where the bears are. I promise I won’t get mad if I get eaten.” 10-7-11
“It feels good to buy a pass after years of scamming myself in.” 1-5-12
“When do you put the bears to sleep at night?” 5-30-12
“We don’t have a pass, but we have something. We have French fries!” 6-2-12
“I’m an American taxpayer. Do I have to pay to see the trees?” 6-11-12
“Do you know how to get to Nebraska?” 7-16-14
“Jenny Lake Visitor Center. Is that on Jackson Lake?” “No. Its on Jenny Lake.” “Well I know that! I am asking if Jenny Lake is inside Jackson Lake.” 8-31-12
“Where is the Lady of the Figuration?” 9-21-12
Guy pulls out a temporary suspended driver’s license as an ID for his pass.. 1-10-13
“So where is the Matterhorn?” “Switzerland.” 3-30-13
“I just got out of jail! Don’t worry! I am reformed. We have heard about some poppy and marijuana fields around here, do you know where they are?” 6-6-14
Added Summer 2014:
My dog is a Vegan!! He can't eat your dog treats!"
"Where is the Moose Entrance?" "Right here." "Where are all the moose, isn't this where they enter the park?"
"Does this get us into any other states for free?" "You mean national parks? Yes, this gets you into Yellowstone for free." "No, states. Like will this get me into California for free?" "Anyone can get into any state for free, you don't need a pass." "Oh! So this isn't the entrance to Wyoming then?" (note: these people were Americans and NOT international visitors.)
"How long is the seven day pass good for?"
"Is it safe to get out of my car and not have a bear eat me?"
"What's a smart pretty girl like you doing up here in the middle of nowhere. Don't you want a real job?" "This is a real job." "Not really. Were there not any jobs for what you went to school for?" "I went to school to be a Ranger." "Oh."
"Is the Temple of the Transsexuals near here?"
"Can you please call someone to get rid of this rain for me?"
"Is there even anything to see here?"
"Jenny Lake campground is closed!! But that's the one thing we wanted to see here!"
*Car drives the wrong direction through the lane* "We just saw a bear!!!" "Sir, you are driving on the wrong side of the road." "I know!! BUT I SAW A BEAR!"
"I didn't know that yellow leaves existed. This is amazing!!"
"We are lost." "Where are you trying to go?" "We are coming from West Yellowstone and headed to Cody."
"Where is the Moose-Wilson Road." "Turn around and it will be your first right" "So the first right on my left?"
"Where is Jenny Lake?" "6.8 miles ahead on your left, about ten minutes away." "Ok, thanks I know I have been there many times before."
"Is there a Hot Springs on Jenny Lake?"
*Guest drives through, flashes pass, hands VUA a pineapple, drives off without saying anything.*
Added February 2015, updated April 2015 - Grand Teton Lodge Company Edition
(I was able to get a hold of the similar list that the Grand Teton Lodge Company Reservations Department keeps)
"So if the parks close will Old Faithful still go off?"
"Have you heard of the navy?"
"Can I wear a speedo when I golf, swim and play tennis?"
"Gros Ventre, like I vont to bite your neck."
Guest sent letter asking for a refund on a campsite because their personal tent leaked.
"Are the animals pretty friendly & you can get pretty close?"
"My RV is 13 feet high. If it doesn't fit in your sites, can the park service cut down the tree branches?"
"What is a Teton?"
"The meatloaf at the restaurant was too prissy."
"I'm on Google Earth & I see a shed at CBV. Can you tell me what it is? I have the dimensions."
Answers phone- Only cats meowing at the other end.
"I want to name my children after you."
"Oh no wonder I can't hear you, I am holding my phone upside down."
"I had to carry a Canoe. I am not Pocahontas!!"
"Is this the place that people use binoculars to look at wildlife?"
"Last name is Hail, just like out of the sky... But spelled H-A-L-E."
"You can't guarantee that I will see any, but I will probably see some elk which kinda look like Moose right?"
"Are the geysers in Yellowstone still working in the winter?"
"If you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your Bull****."
"How do I make a reservation for the first come, first serve campgrounds?"
"So you are south of Yellowstone, that means you are in Colorado right?" "No we are located in Wyoming." "But I mean you are super close to Colorado right?" "Not exactly..." "But you are closer than Yellowstone to Colorado right?" "I guess technically, but it is still about 600 miles from us to Colorado." "Oh! I thought you were like 10 miles from Colorado."
"If there are no hairdryers in your cabins, would I be able to borrow one from an employee?"
"I'm flexible. I'd like to stay anytime between.. oh... August 10th and 11th."
"Are you interested in staying in our cabins or in our RV Park?" "That's a good question, I will have to call you back."
March 27: "I keep trying to log in to see my reservation but it just says in progress." "How long has it been doing that?" "Since December."
"It's called Headwaters at Flagg Ranch." "Swag Ranch???"
"If I reserve a tent site, what do I need to bring?"
"Are you a dancer? You used F as in Foxtrot, I have never heard that before."
"Are Jenny Lake and Jackson Lake different lakes?"
Guest email marked as URGENT: "We are visiting the lodge this summer. I'm sending you a picture of a bear that I took last year. I hope to see bears again this year."
Guest email: "Is there a possibility to stay in our RV in Jenny Lake campground (I see that RVs are not allowed) for 2 nights in July?"
"I have body dysmorphia, you know what that means? I hate the way I look. I need a gym, Do you have a gym? Its the body dysmorphia."
"You should tear down the dam so the park could go back to its natural state."
"Tell your manager the rooms need recliners. Old people like to sleep in recliners. You would sell a lot more rooms."
"Last time we visited there were just plants everywhere, we could hardly get around there were so many plants! Before I decide to come to your National Park again I wanted to call to make sure you guys have removed all the plants. Its like a wilderness out there, not suitable for humans at all."
Added Summer 2015:
"We saw one of your friendly park bears at Jackson Lake and then we saw a WILD bear on the Moose Wilson! I didn't realize this park had wild bears!"
"Wait, You're not a stuffed animal? I thought you were a stuffed animal in the booth!"
"What's Flagg Ranch on that board mean." "Its a campground." "Well! I already knew that, you are no help!"
"Are there little sheds throughout the park where we can watch wildlife and hide?"
A mini van approached the gate slowly and then stopped to show their pass... from the bike path.
"That big mountain, does it have a name?" -Visitor pointing at the Grand.
" Why aren't you in school?" When I explained that I had graduated years ago, he asked "Well then, are you married?" When I said no, he said "You better get on that girl, you aren't getting any younger. Why would you wanna throw your life away doing this when you could be married?"
A guy drives through the entrance station going the wrong way while we had heavy traffic. Naturally we yelled at him, telling him to back up cause he was bound to cause an accident. He backs up then pulls around through the gate and yells at us very angrily "You didn't have to yell at me and correct me. I knew exactly what I was doing." Since he "knew exactly what he was doing" and was going the wrong way on a one way and almost caused a bunch of accidents... We figured something was off, and there was a good chance this man was intoxicated. So naturally we called it in to Law Enforcement to handle. An hour later my ranger friend who pulled him over came through my gate. He says "Well I pulled him over and cited him for going the wrong way on a one way, but he was completely sober. However, you were right about one thing. There was definitely something off there, he had naked Cabbage Patch dolls buckled into all of the seats in his car."
"I saw a whole herd of hornless moose! Those are called elk right? The difference between calling something an elk or a moose is whether or not it has horns right?"
"So we wanna go to the moose viewing area, where is that?" "Well, moose are frequently seen on the Moose Wilson Road, is that what you mean?" "That's the spot they parade by one by one right?" Note: I actually laughed out loud at this one assuming they were joking with me. They weren't.
"If we camp right outside the park boundary we don't have to worry about bears right?"
"Where does the moose sit when he is near the bridge?"
It was a relatively slow day today because of the weather and I forgot to bring a book, sooo... I decided to count...
5 people who forgot their pass but "definitely had one"
8 people who asked where the moose were
9 people who made comments about my hair
13 people who just wanted to go to Yellowstone and drive through the Tetons "Do I still have to pay?"
19 people "What does Jenny Lake full mean, can I not see the lake?" In regards to our CAMPGROUND status sign
28 people who asked where the Moose Wilson Road was
29 people who wondered where Dornans was
53 people "Is this the right way to Yellowstone?"
And last but certainly not least,
147 people "How far to Jenny Lake?"
And it was a slow day....